So, what does that mean? From now on you can only view/comment on my entries by:

1. Creating a new LJ account

2. Telling me who you are by leaving a comment

3. Finally, saving me as a friend to your LJ list

P.S. Just because you saved me as a friend doesn't mean I'll grant you the privilege to read my innermost thoughts. I'll have to add you as a buddy before you can access anything. Respect my privacy, and all is well.

XOXOXO

- The Princess.

It has been almost 6 months since Robert and I purchased our condo. Although we've managed to decorate the condo to our liking since we first moved in, we I decided to redecorate two rooms: the living room and the master bedroom. The photos of our current condo can be seen on my Facebook profile here (for those curious to see what our condo looks like). Sometimes you have to live in a place for a little while before realizing what changes you want to make. Well, I believe that Robert and I have had an adequate amount of time to discover that we need to change in these rooms. Okay so maybe it's mostly me who needs the changes. ;) Right now, both rooms are just -- blah. Nothing spectacular about them. After examining several inspirational sources, I believe I'm finally happy with the design ideas. Actually, the inspiration for the bedroom and living room comes from Crate & Barrel and CB2. I feel bad that Robert had to manage with my indecisiveness over the past couple of months, but I think I'm happy with the design ideas. :) Fortunately Robert agrees with the finalized ideas, and in fact, he suggested a few key elements to the room as well. Now it's just a matter of time before everything is executed beautifully!

When Robert and I showed the condo to his parents for the first time, his mother asked me how I came up with the decorating and design ideas. I replied that it was easy for me to see the potential of anything when I come across aesthetically pleasing items. I get really happy and inspired by bright colors, patterns, textures, lines, symmetry, etc. I never thought of myself as a person who's "bold" with colors, but after decorating the condo for the first time, I realize that I tend to gravitate towards bright colors: yellow, baby blue, orange, lime green. To me, design is "easy" when the creative genes are inherent (not to sound like an arrogant asshole). When I go to any store (e.g., furniture, clothing, even the grocery store!), I study the composition and displays and see how I can modify or incorporate the styles to suit my needs.

I'm really excited about the final results of both rooms. Robert and I are painting the rooms to save money, so we're going to be preoccupied for the next couple of weeks. Once we're finished with the projects, I'll definitely post the pictures!

Wow, I can't believe that it's been almost a year since I've updated. I really miss blogging. I just miss finding another outlet for all these contained feelings. Who knows if this is a permanent comeback? We'll see.

I'm at this point in my life where I really need to find happiness professionally. While I have several ideas that make my heart flutter with much glee, I'm so scared of pursuing these opportunities. I don't know what's the primary reason why I can't stop chasing shadows. I suppose it's all about the "what-if" factor. What if I don't succeed in these things that I'm truly passionate for? What if I'm really not as good as I think I am? More importantly: what if I fail?

I feel so inadequate about my current job that I'm not sure how much longer I'll be there for. I just can't envision staying at the Firm for much longer. I feel like I keep on saying the wrong things at the wrong time. I pride myself on being a quick learner, but this is different. I'm struggling so hard, and I don't know how to stop it. I want to get better at my job. I want to learn how to consult with people. I don't like my current daily routines. I love the traveling aspect though, and in fact, the traveling may be the only thing that keeps me hoping for the best. The problem is I can't quit my job until I find something that I like. I can't quit jobs anymore. I want to permanently settle into the right job for the rest of my life. I need my current income to stay afloat. Robert and I just bought a condo, so I can't just quit abruptly without a backup plan. I have a mortgage! Secretly I wish that I would get fired from my current job so that way I'm forced to make a choice about the direction that's necessary for my life.

AGHHH! I'm so stressed and anxious with the way my professional life is currently, and I would love to change everything about it if I could. Do I take the leap of faith now or wait for a sign from God? Sighs..... I don't know anymore. It's not fulfilling to wake up every day to go to a job you don't really love and that you're not really good at it. Money cannot and will never make you happy.